My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
