you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
