Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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