I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
