I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize