Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
