And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
