Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
