Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
