I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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