I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
