I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize