HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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