dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
