watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
