hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
