My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
