Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
