Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
