ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
