so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
