My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
