he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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