so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
