No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
