The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
