You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm at about main and main street
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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