i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
