oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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