Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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