If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
and you fell through a lawn chair
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
