I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
