see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
