it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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