The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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