shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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