Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Sorry about my life...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
