Im at strip club and am horny
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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