i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
