you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
