It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
