You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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