this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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