So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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