Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
