So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Me too!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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