What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
