I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
