Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
