There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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