i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
