with your own penis?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
