so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
