i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
