I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
