I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
