oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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