KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
