wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
