So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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