I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
