I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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