how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
