i just wanna soil my oats bro
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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